I Saw The Wreckage

by Juniper Ginger

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1.
Overture 02:25
Selling all my wants In search of gently used needs To trade up for a spot At the creator's feet Life is a waking dream And sleep is stranger still Both of these things I know...
2.
It's dark and you're just waking up My pity will not save you but you'll see it as some luck Like a free breakfast we all pretend you earned Or the way I shout your name above the names I never learned In their windbreakers and uncomfortable neckties Hey kid, you're alright It's dark when you finally stumble home From carving out a space to bury one more bag of bones That you chewed and spit and crushed beneath your feet You know her taste still lingers in the gaps between your teeth So you gag, and you drink to forget Have you considered the weight of that walk? A taller tale with every block Spinning fiction round your ankles until you can't trust your own feet Unsteady on her street I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I'm still trying to kill my pain, too It's dark and the words are coming quick The sensation is apparent if the meaning never is Until I hang that apron on my bedroom door Crumpled guest check tickets spread like maps across the floor Next to birthday gifts and love I'd love to use It's all for you Go run from this city and into the tide The space between the earth and sky Sink into daylight and let the nightmares pass Trust me, they always pass I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
3.
You swore you’d never travel But now you’re stuck in LA traffic Wondering what you did with that book Don’t know which ex-lover has it I know I kept a thing or two Of all the things that I took from you I don’t know which way I’d have it Don’t know which road feels more true But I watched one road fade to dark Cause I’d been driving it for hours and hours and hours I passed a place where it once rained I saw the wreckage of the ark I felt the bodies buried deep In the mud under my feet Thought about how I will end up there someday That thought still scares me from my sleep That’s why I’m singing in the dark Cause I’ve been lying here for hours and hours and hours And every fear I cannot face But there are some I can allow Like the last time you spoke to me You said you’re dying to get free Now you think you’ve finally done it But I don’t know if I believe Oh, what a joy it must be To face the people that you meet With that look that I just cannot trust today It used to bring me to my knees You're why I’m singing in the dark I could sing this song for hours and hours and hours Every fear I cannot face But just this one I can allow
4.
300 Exits 04:19
I’m dreaming of the Chicago skyline And I'd drink that dirty water for the rest of my life If it meant that I could be with you tonight I fell asleep back in Virginia The last thing I remember was sweating through my shirt I’d fly down that highway every day just to heal your hurt 300 exits a day every day With Mat in the back seat and you next to me I’ll cross the whole country to see you again I’m wading through a Nashville field now I’d tear down this whole stage to be back in that house Listen to those glasses clink and tell me we’re still strangers now Tell me we’re not strangers I fell asleep somewhere in Cleveland Next thing I remember I woke up in a haze I still keep that train ticket deep in my drawer And I’m thankful every day For 300 exits a day every day With Mat in the back seat and you next to me I’ll cross the whole country to see you again
5.
Out To Dry 05:26
If the wind keeps on blowing in Dusting snow on the ground We will keep ourselves inside for now Everything that we're meant to be remains to be seen I just hope we get along for now Come and calm these aching bones Don't leave 'em out to dry Everything that you want to say Say it, you're mine I'll take the sludge in my coffee And I'll take the shake in my car I'll even take snarling daylight and cursing alarms If I wake up on time today I'll get to drive somewhere warm Beat the rainclouds there and wake up in your arms I'll say baby Come and calm these aching bones Don't leave 'em out to dry Everything that you want to say Say it, you're mine Come and calm these aching bones Don't leave 'em out to dry Everything that you want to do Just do it, you're fine I love the way that you look at me Through one eye or both Oh, I just hope you believe what you see in me I think a lot about that semester All those nights we got left alone By friends who cared too much for gossip But still, they knew something we didn't know
6.
When it's late and you're sleeping Let your lungs do the breathing You've got no one to hold close I asked and you stood behind no But I wouldn't let that be the thing that Let me let you get away Callously overcorrecting From my bed in this room I'm just renting I said last time was the last time My warning shot lit up the night sky The city's so small now from up on my rain cloud And your high horse is bucking about So say I'm right When it's late and you're sleeping Let your heart do the grieving For a life you never signed up for A shiny new lock on an old door You let me break into a heart long past past-due Making up for the time slipped away
7.
Long shot, long wind Blew the fire that gave me perfect light I'm not saying that the winter will save me I tried to end the madness but the world kept spinning round So I stopped worrying and laid my weapons down You met me in the middle of a cold and darkening day And said, "Don't wait for me" I said, "Okay" Everyone that's ever been born gets a lifetime I'm not saying that I didn't get enough But the sins of our fathers keep our stories unclear And news travels fast around this town So now everyone knows just how I spent the last four weeks: With the sin, its razor claws still stuck in me I tried to end the madness but the world kept spinning round So I stopped worrying and laid my weapons down You met me in the middle of a cold and darkening day And said, "Don't wait for me" I said, "Okay"
8.
Tuesday morning smells like cold gas and coffee grounds The city small talk's making rounds "It's finally winter now" Commercial Street is silent, still and sure of something Bigger than this history that's bearing down on me Man, it's getting so heavy now A corner table saved with jackets feels like home Where they're smiling big and wiping sweat So desperate to connect I'll raise a toast to pressing fists And dangling the past over this precipice Say: "I'm glad I came around, but I really should be heading out" But it's not weird when you come home at 2 and I'm still up Smoking by the windowsill, I'm bathing in the chill You offer me a drink that we both know I don't need But what that really means is we both need one now And it's getting lighter out At a party in the last hours of the year We'll speak about our greatest fears and how I met mine here What I won't say is how I'm afraid if grow up and finally let go of this I might have nothing left In the guest room, I'll sleep the whiskey off
9.
I'm not looking at my phone again today See, there's so much I'm dying to hear that you're just never gonna say So I'm not looking at my phone again today I'm not drinking after work again, no way Well that's just something cute I tell myself to get me through the day So I'm gonna get fucked up after work today What are you crying for? What are you crying for? What are you crying for, you child? You miserable waste of your own time See I hate who I've been since I packed up and moved away I call home every weekend and I promise that I'm okay But I'm too proud to call it quits, so Portland's where I'll stay Maybe I didn't get the job but I got the girl And I got some seaside perspective So I can scream and call this art But no one has to listen I'll say it anyway cause I like your attention What are you crying for? What are you crying for? What are you crying for, you child? Your darkness is cracking in this light
10.
Before/After 03:42
I woke up to the sound of sunbeams falling down around me The house was empty and the coffee was cold I drove to work alone and sang a working song To rebuild, reconstruct, reunions that I dreamt of But you're no more than a headshot in a glass frame You're just a picture of a memory I have How many truths can I invent in the recesses of my mind To spite and ruin, is that something I get to decide? I heard the clouds are hiding castles But that salvation seems too high Cause there's a temple in your body And there's a prison cell in mine Day drunk and spelling words wrong but I'm better off My doctor says I should dig into my fears So for an hour a week I'll fumble through you
11.
I watched you slip with every step as I ran by From fifty meters back you volleyed words into sky Your heart is roaming somewhere in these old pines As sure as spring will come, you melted mine I could feel you in my memory when I woke My t-shirt smelled of liquor and some stale campfire smoke We sent it up in signals so that old farm town Knew they would catch us driving fast with windows down Don't hold fast, don't stay the course, don't keep steady Don't watch your words, just let them fall right out of your face Say it loud, I'll sing it back, I love you more Say it loud, I'll sing it back, I love you more Long weekend burning rubber up and down the state I drew it on my body if that memory ever fades Or the story gets confused and battered up from the abuse Of recollecting our collected fairy tales So if you're wondering which version I'm gonna tell When I wake up on a bar stool after being dragged through hell By disease after disease, cause they're all coming for me and my family I'll say, oh well, here are the facts: (or at least as well as I can recall) You're not a myth You are just chemicals You're not improbable You're not a miracle or anything at all So don't hold back, don't stay the course, don't keep steady Don't watch your words, just let them fall right out of your face Say it loud, I'll sing it back, I love you more Say it loud, I'll sing it back, I love you more

credits

released November 19, 2016

The Connecticut Junipers:
Sarah LeMieux - guitar
Gretchen Frazier - fiddle
Glenn Stevens - mandolin
Alex Svensen - double bass
Brendan LeMieux - percussion
see what they're up to at www.girlsfromrubyfalls.com

The Maine Junipers:
Kiersten Andrews - vocals
Mat Nichols - cello
Andrew Roseman - guitar, drums, vibraphone

gang vocals + carrying and/or putting up with my shit provided by Lia Goncalves

Recorded at Telefunken Elektroakustik in South Windsor, CT
and Great North Sound Society in Parsonsfield, ME
Engineered by Jake Subin and Jonathan Corey
Mastered by Pat Keane in Portland, ME
Digital album art by Marrion Ladd
Physical album art by Lia Goncalves
All songs © Alex Millan / Juniper Ginger

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Juniper Ginger Portland, Maine

Juniper Ginger is the solo project of Portland, Maine songwriter Alex Millan. Her songs are mostly honest stories about the people and places she encounters. When heard live, sparse accompaniment invites listeners to get lost in the poetry.

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